I see a lot of posts and videos along the lines of x things I've learnt in x years, and this post was initially going to be one of those but has become this instead. I've definitely learnt things, and maybe there are things that would be worth sharing but I genuinely struggled to think of more than three or four things I could write down. Instead I kept coming back to things that I still struggled with, or lessons that I liked to think I'd learnt, but definitely haven't yet. So I've ended up with this list instead, one that I'm hoping will take me from the stage of self-reflection to actual self-improvement as I start life in my twenties(!!!).

1. Talk to people - I know I struggle with rough patches, I know that I shut down when I do, and I know that only makes the rough patches worse because I isolate myself. Yet I still do this, even though I'm fully aware that I'm doing it. I need to work on plucking up the courage to actually tell the people around me when I'm struggling with something.

1. Stop holding grudges - boy do I hold grudges over petty things, and it stops me from appreciating moments with people because I'm silently stewing over something they said or did (usually something trivial, I'll admit that) days or weeks ago. I need to stop doing this before it starts backfiring in my face.

1. Stop overthinking - I never quite know if this is normal or not, but I frequently replay conversations and interactions with other people in my head over and over again until I've pretty much convinced myself that they either hate me or are entirely fed up with me. Rationally, I know that's not the case, but I find it so easy to spiral to that point where I start believing people genuinely dislike me, and I need to work on it. 

1. Stop sabotaging myself - I always prepare myself for failure, and while that's good to a certain extent I can't help but feel I do it so much that I start thinking there's no other outcome. I find myself saying no to things sometimes because I'm scared of failure, and that's definitely a habit I need to break.

1. Believe in myself - I suppose this is a lot like the last point, but put in more positive terms. I need to learn that just because I couldn't do something before doesn't mean I still can't. A rather silly yet pertinent example is maths. I sucked at maths for most of my life, but it clicked in high school and I ended up loving the subject and not being half bad at it. But for some reason I still don't actually believe I can do it. Studying for the GRE this summer, I'm consistently doubting myself on the maths even though rationally I know I can do it. 

1. Follow through - I'm the queen of half-baked ideas and projects. From childhood arts projects to half-finished novels, to plans for trips I never actually take, I've piled up a lot of unfinished business over the years. In the biggest twist of irony I even left this bullet point incomplete for the better part of a month. I don't want to look back on my life and see all the things I could have done if I'd actually bothered to follow through, I want actual memories.

1. Consistency - on a rather similar note, I need to become more consistent with a lot of things. My uni work usually comes in spurts, leaving me panicking before deadlines because I start essays ages in advance then suddenly leave them for two months. This blog also needs more consistency, though I often do have to put it on the back burner because the real world is a bit too hectic. I'm hoping that if I consistently work at a slightly lower level than my inspired spurts are at, I'll be less prone to burning out.

1. Stop the burnout - again a related one, but the one thing I truly seem to do consistently is burn out in January/February. It makes me miserable for a few months, and definitely prevents me from reaching my potential. I'm managing better as I get older, but I still have plenty of room to improve.

1. Language skills - come on Alice, you lived in France for nine years and you're not fluent in French? I need to work on this, and I'm determined that this will be the year I can finally push past the final hurdle with my French.

1. Feel comfortable saying no - I have a nasty feeling that I'm sometimes a bit of a pushover. I don't like it, and I've found myself only half enjoying things that I've been pushed into doing far too often. I need to learn to put my foot down and just say no when I don't want to go somewhere or do something.

1. Tell people when they're going too far - this goes hand in hand with my last point. I'm perfectly fine with friends taking jabs at me, but sometimes, especially if I'm already feeling low or stressed, it's just not entertaining for me and simply makes me feel a thousand times worse. Going back to my first point, I need to start telling people when I'm not in the mood for that type of humour because all it does is make me shut down more and feel more alone.

1. Stop the hangovers - I feel like this is a bit odd within a list of deeper character changes, but it's something I really want to work on. I don't drink excessively, I don't want to make it sound like I do, I just get debilitating hangovers. I'm fed up with losing an entire day of my life to migraines and nausea for the sake of a night out. It's not worth it, especially going into my final year of uni where things matter so much. I'm not saying I'm going to become a recluse, but I need to find the balance.

1. Live in the moment - I love to think about the future, and while that's not necessarily a terrible thing it can cause me a lot of stress. I want to enjoy my early twenties, rather than constantly thinking about how every decision I make might affect my late twenties or early thirties etc.

1. Do what makes me happy - in the past year or so I've become certain that I want to move back to the US. The main thing holding me back has been when friends (in the UK) and family have expressed their disappointment at me not wanting to stay nearby. As much as I don't want to upset them, I need to become more comfortable with putting myself first. I'm getting better at this already, this summer I've been working an unpaid internship in a field that I adore (wildlife conservation) rather than applying for jobs that might be more impressive on a CV but far less interesting to me personally. I can absolutely work on doing this more often though.

1. Being truly independent - I'm extremely fortunate to have parents who can provide for me while I'm a student and I truly cannot express how grateful I am for that, but I also feel like I use that as a crutch at times. I want to start being more independent even when I'm home for the summer to prepare myself for the point when I'm done with uni and I'm a 'proper adult'.

1. Be less apologetic - I don't want to be that person who never apologises, but I want to stop apologising for who I am and what I want to do with my life. I've caught myself a number of times apologising for what I've decided I want to do as a career even though it's what I'm passionate about and it's really not something I should apologise for. Similarly to a lot of points on this list, I want to be more comfortable with being me.

1. Be more positive - I'll admit it, I can be quite a negative Nancy at times, but I'm really trying to change this. I don't want to be naive, of course, but I do want to try and find more good in things rather than being a pessimist. It's not a fun way to live my life, and I want to make the change now while it's still relatively easy.

1. Be healthier - I'm not terrible at this, but I could definitely be a lot better. I eat reasonably well, but I definitely don't exercise as much as I should. I want to change that this year, and start these good habits while it's still relatively easy.

1. Spend more time outdoors - I spent a significant chunk of this summer outside at the place where I was volunteering, and it genuinely made me incredibly happy. It's so easy for me to get bogged down in uni work, but I think if I'm outside more often I'll also be happier and less stressed. I'm absolutely fascinated by nature and the world around us, so I want to spend more time properly connecting with it.

1. Improve my sleep hygiene - A slightly odd note to end on, but I think it's quite an underrated issue. I have terrible sleep hygiene. I sleep with my phone by my bed (sometimes in my bed when I fall asleep watching Netflix), I only sporadically get the eight hours I'm supposed to get and I constantly wake up in the middle of the night. I can get away with this now, but I know if I don't fix this now it could really come back to bite me when I'm older. It's also, I feel, a relatively easy fix, but one that will make a world of difference and make it easier for me to work on the nineteen other things I've touched on.

This is a really long post, so thank you so much if you've got this far. I know this won't be an overnight process, but writing all these things down has been an incredible exercise in self-awareness. What are some of the things you guys feel like you still need to work on?
xoxo
Alice

This is a slightly odd post to make considering my spotlight items so far have been beauty related, but I truly stand by this post. I wanted to feature something quite different this time around, but something that's truly been revolutionary for me.

For the longest time I swore against ever using a Kindle. I couldn't understand how people could read their books on screens instead of picking up an actual physical copy. Last year, I mentioned that my New Year's Resolution was to read for fun more, something I'd stopped doing without even realising at first. Being a university student, and having to fly back and forth across the Atlantic at the beginning and end of every term, physical books weren't the most convenient for me. I first used a Kindle a few years ago when I spent a month in India and my dad loaned me his Kindle so I could read on the flight. That was the point when I realised Kindles weren't the most evil and pointless things in the world, but I stopped using it as soon as I got back home. At Christmas the end of my first year of uni, my uncle very kindly gifted me an old Kindle Fire of his. This turned out to be revolutionary. I finally started reading for fun again because I wasn't worried about the physical space being taken up by books in my suitcase.

Last summer, I amped things up a notch when I discovered an app called Libby. It's run by Overdrive, which works with libraries to basically create a system for borrowing ebooks from your local library. I have two library cards, having signed up for one in my university town to gain access to more ebooks. This has been absolutely amazing for me because I now also don't have to worry about the cost of buying books for my Kindle. Last year I read 16 books, this year I've already read 20. I've truly transformed from Kindle sceptic to Kindle enthusiast, and it's helped me rekindle (pun not intended, I swear) my love for reading.

Kindle's are particularly great when reading long books. I've been working my way through Ron Chernow's Alexander Hamilton, which if I were reading a physical copy would be extremely cumbersome. Instead, I can carry it with me absolutely everywhere because it's on my Kindle.

I still, of course, love nothing more than a physical book, and my Kindle will never completely replace them, but for the time being the Kindle is far more convenient for me. I'm so much happier now that I've rediscovered my love for reading, and I think that the me of the past who was so vehemently against e-readers would (just about) forgive me for making the switch.

What about you guys; how do you feel about e-readers?

xoxo
Alice